[ Zuko grimaces slightly, shooting Hikaru a Look. ]
I already told you I'm not telling you...!
[ That reluctant, reticent response alone probably makes things unintentionally clear, Hikaru knowing so much about Zuko's reactions: first of all, yes, it obviously was about Hikaru, or he wouldn't balk and bark like this at the question; and second of all, it was probably sexual. Because what else does Zuko get so keyed up and awkward talking about...? Definitely not fighting, that's true. Zuko doesn't need to say anything to say so much. And he's completely blind to his own transparency. ]
It was about me! But what about? Taichi knows just as much about me as you. So what? [He's going down the list, trying to think of things. What would embarrass Zuko and Taichi wouldn't tell him about?
He's going down the timeline and then he pauses once it hits him. The only thing that would get this reaction from Zuko.]
Did you give him sex advice? From the time he tried to seduce me? [There's a shit eating grin slowly growing on his face.]
[ He barks back, Hikaru clearly getting even more of a rise out of Zuko as his incredulous humor takes over. This is the boy who once texted Hikaru in a flurry of frenzied confusion
OCTOPUS...?!?!!!
And... Taichi clearly asked him something in this realm. It wasn't quite advice about how to seduce Hikaru, Zuko's not lying, but... Hikaru's not so far off the mark, and that's making Zuko even more nervous, already in a raw emotional state. He should never have brought it up. Why does he just say shit...! ]
But it's something around that. Hm. It was about that time Taichi tried to seduce me. Did he ask you for ideas...? No way. You wouldn't know. [Which is kind of rude but also not entirely wrong.
So then he tries to think back on that day.] Taichi told me he did research. Like he went to the library...[And Hikaru has learned about his boyfriend that he likes magazines. So then did he do his research in...]
[ "No way, you wouldn't know" makes Zuko balk but kinda snort in derision. But deep down... he does know it's probably true, yeah. They'd already talked about things with Aurora back when he got his haircut... Case in point.
But what makes Zuko balk more is how warm Hikaru is getting, very close to the truth — too close for comfort. He sort of sputters as he answers, scowling at Hikaru with a look and tone that just betrays him. ]
N-No!No, we didn't! And I'm not betraying Taichi's trust on this, okay?! Stop trying to guess!
[ Well, that's practically a Yes. No, no, it's a fairly obvious Yes. ]
[Hikaru shrugs, making a show of yawning as they keep going. He's good at acting very nonchalant while knowing exactly how to dig in.]
Okay, you don't want to tell me. Fair enough. [It can't be this simple.] But Taichi and I tell each other everything at this point. Everything. So I'll ask him and he'll tell me. I'll hear it from Taichi first, I guess. I wonder what story he'll tell me. What words he'll use. Who knows how he'll word things.
[And anybody who knows Taichi knows that he's terrible with words and things always end up coming wrong out of him.]
[ Hikaru knows how to play Zuko like a fiddle. It's like a record scratch when Hikaru puts it that way, and Zuko's face falls, even stopping in his steps for a beat. Then— grumbles. He drags his hands down his face in exasperation and picks up the pace again in long strides. He gets a couple steps ahead of Hikaru, so that Hikaru can't see his face so well, turning away slightly, and mumbles enough for Hikaru to hear a step behind him... but also for Hikaru to hear Zuko's scowl as he says it. ]
...It wasn't magazines... And he didn't want advice on how to seduce you! He just— wanted company. Without any pressure. He thought I'd understand, I guess.
[ But... this still leaves room for interpretation. But the key statement here is "it wasn't magazines." It is a nice way to phrase being invited over to watch a porn movie because his best friend's boyfriend is nervous about losing his virginity because he doesn't know what he's supposed to do, and neither does he... He wanted company without any pressure and thought Zuko would be an understanding friend about this is a fair way to frame it. And probably a lot more elegant and normal sounding than however Taichi might have described it.
He started off that invitation by calling Zuko "Lord of the Hot Squats," after all. That's all that flashes across Zuko's mind when Hikaru makes this excellent point. It's very persuasive. ]
[Hikaru knew that was going to work. Taichi is practically infamous for how he's bad at wording things. It had been one of the first things Hikaru had learned about him and had fun poking at. Even now, he loves to try to get Taichi to word things in the worst possible way. It isn't very hard.
And Zuko definitely worded this much better.]
Wait, did you watch porn, then? [He's snickering, remembering how Zuko handled his first time watching porn.] You're the worst person to watch that with! And Taichi probably sucked at picking something good. He told me how he was always worried about the other guys in his rooms hearing what he was watching or finding out through his internet search. I bet it was something like repair man comes to clean hot man's pipes or something! No wonder he was so freaked out that day.
[And also because Taichi had been pressuring himself into going through with having sex even though he hadn't been ready.] Did you two jerk off? [Yes, he did just ask that. He knows the answer is no but if he had any reason to believe it happened then he'd be 100% pissed off.]
[ Zuko sputters and balks at the question, the entire conversation derailed. He's practically clutching his pearls, genuine shock and disbelief in his voice. In some ways, he is so prim and proper, despite being rough around the edges in so many others... He doesn't talk about those things in detail. He doesn't even use such casual terms like "jerk off" when talking about sex... He'll find some vague, elegant euphemism around it somehow. He's the type that says "finish" over "cum." He can't believe Hikaru just asked him that, and he can't tell if he's being facetious or not, which just heightens his embarrassment. ]
No, we just... sat there and watched it. Like a normal movie... And, uh, commented on it. ...It was weird. But I guess it helped him, so... Y-Yeah. Ahem.
[ He clears his throat awkwardly, turning his face away from Hikaru again. This is the worst. How does Hikaru always drag information out of him...? He only has these talks with him, it's a special touch... ]
[Zuko is always so easy to rile up and Hikaru is just grinning, waiting for him to come up with the explanation of what happened. Honestly, the image of Zuko and Taichi just sitting there and watching a bad porno like it's a regular movie is killing him.]
What, you think a bad porno seriously was enough to seduce me? You think something that could be seen in garbage like that would work? Geesh, how little you think of me. [He is teasing because he knows that Zuko has probably worked very hard not to even think about the fact that Taichi and Hikaru were apparently going to have sex.]
And didn't I tell you all that stuff was fake? Can't believe you let him watch that and get it into his head! Hah, no wonder he was so freaked out! [But he does shrug and decide to end the mystery:] Nothing happened, though, by the way. [They did go farther than they ever had before but despite Hikaru loving to freak people out, he's not going to share something that intimate.]
N-No, no! It wasn't— Hrrr, it wasn't for that! He just didn't know— what guys do... And— I didn't either! He was just curious and needed, um— moral support.
[ Oh, he wants the earth to open up and swallow him. Hikaru tortures him. But he can't just leave it now... ]
...He told me I was the bravest person he knows and said he needed me there in case he needed someone to hold his eyes open. Or something like that.
[ He's begrudging but there's a wry humor about him as he glances to the side, lips taut. ]
Hah! I mean, if he needed your help to go into some fight then sure. But for that? Seriously, you were the worst choice. But honestly? Kind of glad it was you. Somebody else might have gotten him more upset so thanks. [And this is the most genuine that Hikaru has been during this conversation because Hikaru does mean that. Somebody else could have convinced Taichi to do far worse. Zuko had been the nicest person for this and Hikaru's honestly grateful it was him.]
He told me he went to the library to learn how to do it but then found out how magical creatures did it instead. I guess merpeople have two dicks or something. Probably why he went to the porno. What was it called?
[ He grumbles this, loath to give Hikaru the name, roughly speaking the words into the ground. He doesn't disagree he was the worst choice... but Taichi and he had interesting conversation and Taichi seemed to come out of it feeling a bit better about things. Depressurized. And indeed, Zuko learned a lot, too... ]
[ Zuko glowers, shooting Hikaru the flattest, deepest, most obvious "NO" look that he possibly can muster. He knows Hikaru knows the answer is No. Of course the answer is no. ]
[Most other times, Hikaru would just be proud of Zuko to be able to do a joke. But right now, knowing that Zuko watched a bad porn with his boyfriend is really beating that.]
So what was the plot? Taichi would have picked something with a plot.
[ He's still being entirely begrudging, but at least loosening up to talk about it... still in as few words as possible, but, hey, talking nonetheless. ]
They fought on horses first! Then knocked each other off! And, uh— ...Yeah. Kinda— continued fighting... Ahem.
[ He clears his throat, glowering. You catch his drift? It was rough, competitive, aggressive sex with really corny dialogue... That's all that can be assumed. This sounds awful. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
it really does, lol, i love it
I already told you I'm not telling you...!
[ That reluctant, reticent response alone probably makes things unintentionally clear, Hikaru knowing so much about Zuko's reactions: first of all, yes, it obviously was about Hikaru, or he wouldn't balk and bark like this at the question; and second of all, it was probably sexual. Because what else does Zuko get so keyed up and awkward talking about...? Definitely not fighting, that's true. Zuko doesn't need to say anything to say so much. And he's completely blind to his own transparency. ]
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He's going down the timeline and then he pauses once it hits him. The only thing that would get this reaction from Zuko.]
Did you give him sex advice? From the time he tried to seduce me? [There's a shit eating grin slowly growing on his face.]
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No...!
[ That is to say: Yes. ]
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Taichi came to you on how to seduce me?!
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[ He barks back, Hikaru clearly getting even more of a rise out of Zuko as his incredulous humor takes over. This is the boy who once texted Hikaru in a flurry of frenzied confusion
OCTOPUS...?!?!!!
And... Taichi clearly asked him something in this realm. It wasn't quite advice about how to seduce Hikaru, Zuko's not lying, but... Hikaru's not so far off the mark, and that's making Zuko even more nervous, already in a raw emotional state. He should never have brought it up. Why does he just say shit...! ]
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So then he tries to think back on that day.] Taichi told me he did research. Like he went to the library...[And Hikaru has learned about his boyfriend that he likes magazines. So then did he do his research in...]
Did you two read porn magazines together?
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But what makes Zuko balk more is how warm Hikaru is getting, very close to the truth — too close for comfort. He sort of sputters as he answers, scowling at Hikaru with a look and tone that just betrays him. ]
N-No! No, we didn't! And I'm not betraying Taichi's trust on this, okay?! Stop trying to guess!
[ Well, that's practically a Yes. No, no, it's a fairly obvious Yes. ]
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Okay, you don't want to tell me. Fair enough. [It can't be this simple.] But Taichi and I tell each other everything at this point. Everything. So I'll ask him and he'll tell me. I'll hear it from Taichi first, I guess. I wonder what story he'll tell me. What words he'll use. Who knows how he'll word things.
[And anybody who knows Taichi knows that he's terrible with words and things always end up coming wrong out of him.]
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...It wasn't magazines... And he didn't want advice on how to seduce you! He just— wanted company. Without any pressure. He thought I'd understand, I guess.
[ But... this still leaves room for interpretation. But the key statement here is "it wasn't magazines." It is a nice way to phrase being invited over to watch a porn movie because his best friend's boyfriend is nervous about losing his virginity because he doesn't know what he's supposed to do, and neither does he... He wanted company without any pressure and thought Zuko would be an understanding friend about this is a fair way to frame it. And probably a lot more elegant and normal sounding than however Taichi might have described it.
He started off that invitation by calling Zuko "Lord of the Hot Squats," after all. That's all that flashes across Zuko's mind when Hikaru makes this excellent point. It's very persuasive. ]
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And Zuko definitely worded this much better.]
Wait, did you watch porn, then? [He's snickering, remembering how Zuko handled his first time watching porn.] You're the worst person to watch that with! And Taichi probably sucked at picking something good. He told me how he was always worried about the other guys in his rooms hearing what he was watching or finding out through his internet search. I bet it was something like repair man comes to clean hot man's pipes or something! No wonder he was so freaked out that day.
[And also because Taichi had been pressuring himself into going through with having sex even though he hadn't been ready.] Did you two jerk off? [Yes, he did just ask that. He knows the answer is no but if he had any reason to believe it happened then he'd be 100% pissed off.]
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[ Zuko sputters and balks at the question, the entire conversation derailed. He's practically clutching his pearls, genuine shock and disbelief in his voice. In some ways, he is so prim and proper, despite being rough around the edges in so many others... He doesn't talk about those things in detail. He doesn't even use such casual terms like "jerk off" when talking about sex... He'll find some vague, elegant euphemism around it somehow. He's the type that says "finish" over "cum." He can't believe Hikaru just asked him that, and he can't tell if he's being facetious or not, which just heightens his embarrassment. ]
No, we just... sat there and watched it. Like a normal movie... And, uh, commented on it. ...It was weird. But I guess it helped him, so... Y-Yeah. Ahem.
[ He clears his throat awkwardly, turning his face away from Hikaru again. This is the worst. How does Hikaru always drag information out of him...? He only has these talks with him, it's a special touch... ]
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What, you think a bad porno seriously was enough to seduce me? You think something that could be seen in garbage like that would work? Geesh, how little you think of me. [He is teasing because he knows that Zuko has probably worked very hard not to even think about the fact that Taichi and Hikaru were apparently going to have sex.]
And didn't I tell you all that stuff was fake? Can't believe you let him watch that and get it into his head! Hah, no wonder he was so freaked out! [But he does shrug and decide to end the mystery:] Nothing happened, though, by the way. [They did go farther than they ever had before but despite Hikaru loving to freak people out, he's not going to share something that intimate.]
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[ Oh, he wants the earth to open up and swallow him. Hikaru tortures him. But he can't just leave it now... ]
...He told me I was the bravest person he knows and said he needed me there in case he needed someone to hold his eyes open. Or something like that.
[ He's begrudging but there's a wry humor about him as he glances to the side, lips taut. ]
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He told me he went to the library to learn how to do it but then found out how magical creatures did it instead. I guess merpeople have two dicks or something. Probably why he went to the porno. What was it called?
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[ He grumbles this, loath to give Hikaru the name, roughly speaking the words into the ground. He doesn't disagree he was the worst choice... but Taichi and he had interesting conversation and Taichi seemed to come out of it feeling a bit better about things. Depressurized. And indeed, Zuko learned a lot, too... ]
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And it looks just as horrible and trashy as he imagined. What was the actual movie like? He'd watch it in private later.]
Did you like it?
[He absolutely knows the answer is no.]
1/2
2/2
Yes... I did...
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So what was the plot? Taichi would have picked something with a plot.
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[ He's still being entirely begrudging, but at least loosening up to talk about it... still in as few words as possible, but, hey, talking nonetheless. ]
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[He's just saying it bluntly. To the surprise of nobody.]
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[ grijknsfdm, Hikaru knows he's gonna give Zuko a mild aneurysm and that's why he does these things, Zuko's sure of it??? ]
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Well, what else am I supposed to imagine in a gay porn?
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[ He clears his throat, glowering. You catch his drift? It was rough, competitive, aggressive sex with really corny dialogue... That's all that can be assumed. This sounds awful. ]
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Oh? Was it some like, the loser had to take it?
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