[Zuko is always so easy to rile up and Hikaru is just grinning, waiting for him to come up with the explanation of what happened. Honestly, the image of Zuko and Taichi just sitting there and watching a bad porno like it's a regular movie is killing him.]
What, you think a bad porno seriously was enough to seduce me? You think something that could be seen in garbage like that would work? Geesh, how little you think of me. [He is teasing because he knows that Zuko has probably worked very hard not to even think about the fact that Taichi and Hikaru were apparently going to have sex.]
And didn't I tell you all that stuff was fake? Can't believe you let him watch that and get it into his head! Hah, no wonder he was so freaked out! [But he does shrug and decide to end the mystery:] Nothing happened, though, by the way. [They did go farther than they ever had before but despite Hikaru loving to freak people out, he's not going to share something that intimate.]
N-No, no! It wasn't— Hrrr, it wasn't for that! He just didn't know— what guys do... And— I didn't either! He was just curious and needed, um— moral support.
[ Oh, he wants the earth to open up and swallow him. Hikaru tortures him. But he can't just leave it now... ]
...He told me I was the bravest person he knows and said he needed me there in case he needed someone to hold his eyes open. Or something like that.
[ He's begrudging but there's a wry humor about him as he glances to the side, lips taut. ]
Hah! I mean, if he needed your help to go into some fight then sure. But for that? Seriously, you were the worst choice. But honestly? Kind of glad it was you. Somebody else might have gotten him more upset so thanks. [And this is the most genuine that Hikaru has been during this conversation because Hikaru does mean that. Somebody else could have convinced Taichi to do far worse. Zuko had been the nicest person for this and Hikaru's honestly grateful it was him.]
He told me he went to the library to learn how to do it but then found out how magical creatures did it instead. I guess merpeople have two dicks or something. Probably why he went to the porno. What was it called?
[ He grumbles this, loath to give Hikaru the name, roughly speaking the words into the ground. He doesn't disagree he was the worst choice... but Taichi and he had interesting conversation and Taichi seemed to come out of it feeling a bit better about things. Depressurized. And indeed, Zuko learned a lot, too... ]
[ Zuko glowers, shooting Hikaru the flattest, deepest, most obvious "NO" look that he possibly can muster. He knows Hikaru knows the answer is No. Of course the answer is no. ]
[Most other times, Hikaru would just be proud of Zuko to be able to do a joke. But right now, knowing that Zuko watched a bad porn with his boyfriend is really beating that.]
So what was the plot? Taichi would have picked something with a plot.
[ He's still being entirely begrudging, but at least loosening up to talk about it... still in as few words as possible, but, hey, talking nonetheless. ]
They fought on horses first! Then knocked each other off! And, uh— ...Yeah. Kinda— continued fighting... Ahem.
[ He clears his throat, glowering. You catch his drift? It was rough, competitive, aggressive sex with really corny dialogue... That's all that can be assumed. This sounds awful. ]
Enough, you've heard enough! I shouldn't've ever said anything!
[ Hikaru, you're gonna kill him someday. He's survived bombs, starvation, assassination attempts, blizzards in a tundra, multiple lightning strikes, and he's gonna die from embarrassment at the hands of Hitachiin Hikaru. ]
There was no plot! It's a porn movie! They fought, they fucked, it ended! Now will you drop it already?!
[ Zuko's at his breaking point. He probably will think back with regret on practically shouting this on a public street, but, uh, for now, he's almost beside himself with embarrassment and aggravation, he's malfunctioning. ]
[People are now staring but hey, Hikaru is not the one yelling about it so he's perfectly fine. It starts as a quiet snicker before he's just laughing loudly.]
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What, you think a bad porno seriously was enough to seduce me? You think something that could be seen in garbage like that would work? Geesh, how little you think of me. [He is teasing because he knows that Zuko has probably worked very hard not to even think about the fact that Taichi and Hikaru were apparently going to have sex.]
And didn't I tell you all that stuff was fake? Can't believe you let him watch that and get it into his head! Hah, no wonder he was so freaked out! [But he does shrug and decide to end the mystery:] Nothing happened, though, by the way. [They did go farther than they ever had before but despite Hikaru loving to freak people out, he's not going to share something that intimate.]
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[ Oh, he wants the earth to open up and swallow him. Hikaru tortures him. But he can't just leave it now... ]
...He told me I was the bravest person he knows and said he needed me there in case he needed someone to hold his eyes open. Or something like that.
[ He's begrudging but there's a wry humor about him as he glances to the side, lips taut. ]
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He told me he went to the library to learn how to do it but then found out how magical creatures did it instead. I guess merpeople have two dicks or something. Probably why he went to the porno. What was it called?
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[ He grumbles this, loath to give Hikaru the name, roughly speaking the words into the ground. He doesn't disagree he was the worst choice... but Taichi and he had interesting conversation and Taichi seemed to come out of it feeling a bit better about things. Depressurized. And indeed, Zuko learned a lot, too... ]
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And it looks just as horrible and trashy as he imagined. What was the actual movie like? He'd watch it in private later.]
Did you like it?
[He absolutely knows the answer is no.]
1/2
2/2
Yes... I did...
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So what was the plot? Taichi would have picked something with a plot.
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[ He's still being entirely begrudging, but at least loosening up to talk about it... still in as few words as possible, but, hey, talking nonetheless. ]
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[He's just saying it bluntly. To the surprise of nobody.]
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[ grijknsfdm, Hikaru knows he's gonna give Zuko a mild aneurysm and that's why he does these things, Zuko's sure of it??? ]
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Well, what else am I supposed to imagine in a gay porn?
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[ He clears his throat, glowering. You catch his drift? It was rough, competitive, aggressive sex with really corny dialogue... That's all that can be assumed. This sounds awful. ]
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Oh? Was it some like, the loser had to take it?
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[ Hikaru, you're gonna kill him someday. He's survived bombs, starvation, assassination attempts, blizzards in a tundra, multiple lightning strikes, and he's gonna die from embarrassment at the hands of Hitachiin Hikaru. ]
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[And Taichi wording this plot could still go very, very wrong. Who knows what Hikaru might think you two were watching if Taichi explains it?]
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[ Zuko's at his breaking point. He probably will think back with regret on practically shouting this on a public street, but, uh, for now, he's almost beside himself with embarrassment and aggravation, he's malfunctioning. ]
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Way to go, now everybody knows!