irritated: (watch out enemy)
Hikaru Hitachiin 常陸院 光 ([personal profile] irritated) wrote2020-12-09 03:55 pm
Entry tags:

avalon inbox;

✮✮ un; tenjikubotan ✮✮

text ; audio; video;

rediscovering: (considering)

[personal profile] rediscovering 2021-09-24 09:08 pm (UTC)(link)
[ That remark shuts Zuko up a beat, catching him visibly off-guard when Hikaru asks "Who takes it like that?" He looks at himself with a strange expression in the mirror, his brow knotting after a second. Why did he take it like that...? That concerns him. That he didn't hear himself, clock this as a twisted automatic interpretation at all... Is he slipping? He's been hanging out with Azula too much. That's his loudest thought. He always falls under her influence unconsciously. He thought he'd been conscious of it, deliberately trying to keep himself in moral check despite everything, like he's still such a good guy, but that's the thing — he never realized he wasn't a good guy back in the day, either. It's an invisible influence. Like he's been drifting and never noticed. He sighs. ]

...I put my foot in my mouth a lot, so yeah. I guess you're right — that's good for me.
rediscovering: (personal bubble)

[personal profile] rediscovering 2021-09-28 05:37 am (UTC)(link)
[ His perpetually moody-and-inwardly conflicted-on-the-flip-of-a-dime friend at least is in a good enough mood today to be easily pulled back from that unnerving little blip. Besides, being told she "won't be able to resist" him is maybe just as shocking, drawing his eyes to Hikaru in the mirror, wider now, a faint flush crawling on his cheeks. ]

Uh—! ...R-Right...

[ Hikaru's the best at keeping Zuko on his toes. Well, besides maybe his boyfriend. Taichi and Hikaru together might give Zuko an aneurysm from the blood rushing to his head. He pauses, composing himself a bit meeting his own eye, before glancing back up to Hikaru with a more open expression, tentative. ]

...Um— What makes you so certain it's like that, Hikaru? With me and Aurora, I mean...
rediscovering: (ruminative silence)

[personal profile] rediscovering 2021-10-04 06:43 pm (UTC)(link)
But how do you know…? How can you tell?

[ He looks vaguely troubled. Uncle could tell right away that the girl in the Earth Kingdom only came to the teashop and looked at Zuko a lot because she fancied him, whereas Zuko had been certain she’d discovered they were Fire Nation and was out to expose them. That bounty hunter woman had mistaken Zuko and Katara as a couple when they were just standing beside each other, as far as Zuko was concerned. He never even noticed Mai liked him until Azula started teasing him about it as kids. As soon as he told Hikaru about Aurora at all, Hikaru caught whiff of this inclination even Zuko hadn’t realized he’d had. He would wonder if he only started thinking like that about Aurora lately because his friends were putting the idea in his head… But Uncle brought it up. Aang brought it up. Gokudera brought it up. All independently. And it follows a pattern of a certain blindness Zuko’s suddenly realizing he has in this department…

Why does everyone else see it so easily? What are the signs? He doesn’t see it in others, nor himself apparently, and he fancies himself a pretty self-aware and emotional guy, thinks he can be very romantic, maybe just that his efforts have been wasted on… Mai and Azula… who, for as much as he loves them, could care less about pretty flowers and small thoughtful gestures. He knows he’s blind to a lot about other people’s perspectives, he’s been dwelling on lately, in the wake of recurring arguments with Azula and failed apologies on his part… “Apologies” where he ends up losing his temper and yelling again, shooting himself in the foot. Same as it was with Mai. He’s sure it’s just them. But it makes him second guess his perception.

Being told over and over by the people who know him best that he has a crush on this nice girl, this nice girl who probably would appreciate pretty flowers and small thoughtful gestures, and being the last to realize it himself… it’s confusing. If everyone else sees it… then surely Aurora sees it, too. What’s it mean about the way she treats him, if that’s the case? Has she made moves without him realizing? Has he made moves without him realizing? Is it totally one-sided? Why can’t he see this stuff as clearly as everyone else can? It’s a lot on his mind. And that shows itself on his face slowly as thought sets in. ]
rediscovering: (that's rough buddy)

[personal profile] rediscovering 2021-10-13 12:38 am (UTC)(link)
[ The lapse of focused silence is welcome, letting his thoughts set in on the matter, however dissatisfied he is with the answer "I can't explain it, you just know." Zuko doesn't "just know." He just closes his eyes and feels the sensations of the haircut, until he feels the towel removed and Hikaru begins to speak again. He opens his eyes cautiously, listening first as he watches Hikaru's reflection in the mirror before his own.

It all makes sense what he says, though, and Zuko can't really dispute it. So he doesn't have any response denying it locked and loaded. But as he leans forward toward the mirror to inspect himself from many angles, he's stopped short by the little joke Hikaru cracks, and spins round to shoot him a look face-to-face. It's a bit of a scowl at first, typical Zuko pout, but he can't disguise a twitch of a smirk at the end, surprisingly good-humored about it. He'd offered himself up on the chopping block with Hikaru about this so long ago, after all. It was a laughable haircut in effect; that was part of the point of the punishment. That it was so unflattering. ]


I didn't go bald, Hikaru — my head was shaven...!

[ Shooting a lingering teasing look out of the corner of his eye, though, he turns his attention back to the mirror, inspecting himself from the right side of his face, before running a hand through his hair. ]

It's fine, though. My hair grows fast. So it's probably better to start short like this...

[ He leans back again, standing upright with a final look of appraisal, before turning back to Hikaru with an unusually open-faced expression, and an even more unusually vulnerable, self-effacing question... one, for all their "styling" work together over the past year, he'd actually never asked outright: ]

...Do I look good?
rediscovering: (i'm mr manager)

[personal profile] rediscovering 2021-10-30 02:48 pm (UTC)(link)
[ There's barely the ghost of a smile on his lips at the confirmation, but his face falls slightly being told his good looks will outshine, um... a bear. He rolls his eyes, letting a smirk show itself more openly with a light little "tch" of a laugh, as he runs his hands down the sides again. ]

Gee, I'd hope so... I'd like to think I'm better looking than a—

[ His head snaps back to shoot Hikaru another look suddenly, brows knitting slightly as a thought comes to mind. For once, he's actually beat Hikaru to the punch teasing himself by accident by reading into shit that's not even there. Look at the leaps and bounds of progress(?) Hikaru's made on poor Zuko's humor. Doesn't mean he's good at being funny or anything yet, but. He can. Sort of take a joke. More than before, at least... ]

Wait! Was that a crack about the bear thing!? In Lunatia! You didn't tell her about that, did you—?!

[ sjfjksdjk if anyone would be okay with knowing you turned into a baby bear for a weekend, Zuko, it'd be Aurora, calm down... ]
rediscovering: (moonlit smile)

[personal profile] rediscovering 2021-11-10 03:35 am (UTC)(link)
[ His expression softens a bit at that, and he glances to the side shyly. It's weird to acknowledge this crush, to call it what it is, talking with his friends about acting on it... "I'm trying to hook you up, not sabotage it here." Hikaru'd been the first to put this idea out there, from the very first time he'd mentioned Aurora right after he'd first met her. She's so different from the other people he's fancied, and that makes him nervous. He hasn't told her much about how dark his life has been. She hasn't told him much about hers, either. They just talk in the here and now, light conversations, and that's what he likes so much in part. How easy it is to not think about that stuff with her.

And he's always liked that about Hikaru, too. Hanging out with Hikaru makes him feel like a normal teenager somehow, even though he knows everything... Maybe because they got it all completely out in the open almost right off the bat, it's been a weight lifted that most of it doesn't need to come up again; there are very few surprises left in Zuko's stories that might come up in conversation, unlike with most people. Hikaru'd be more surprised by normal stories about how he'd done mundane, happy, teenage things, more than likely... The edge of a smile traces his lips as he looks back to his friend, leaning against the sink counter a little. ]


...We have a lot of plans of stuff we wanna do together. She wants to teach me how to cook. [ He lets out a little puff of a breath, which totally counts as a laugh for Zuko. ] I hope I don't sabotage myself... We're gonna cook outside. I told her I might burn her house down.

[ Man, that joke can only land so well with Hikaru. Aurora didn't think Zuko was being as literal as he really was, more than likely... ]
rediscovering: (personal bubble)

[personal profile] rediscovering 2021-11-16 04:20 am (UTC)(link)
...She already touches me all the time... Something like that won't matter.

[ His eyes dart to the side as he admits that, a faint trace of color rising to his face. ]

She, uh— touches my hands sometimes, and calls me by name a lot.

[ Why "calls me by name a lot" registers as something particularly romantic, who can say, but more than anyone else, she addresses him directly, peppering "Zuko" into their conversations like a spice, and every time she says his name, it makes him catch his breath, and he doesn't know why. No one else addresses him so directly over and over except, like... servants. But that's completely different. He can't explain why he thinks it means she likes him, but ever since their very first meeting when he first gave her his name, it's been the case, and it's confused him. ]
rediscovering: (customer service blows)

[personal profile] rediscovering 2021-11-18 01:55 pm (UTC)(link)
I-I dunno! I just thought she's extra nice?! She's done all that ever since we first met!

[ He sputters a bit, glancing aside. He knows he's dumb, okay, Hikaru, he doesn't need his nose rubbed in it...! ]
rediscovering: (sure fine)

[personal profile] rediscovering 2021-11-19 03:49 pm (UTC)(link)
I know, I know! I have my reasons, okay...

[ Vaguely enough, casting his glance aside with a slight pout. ]

C'mon. As much as I like hanging out in a bathroom with you, let's talk somewhere else.

[ Deflecting with humor. He's learned a new trick! ]
rediscovering: (grief)

[personal profile] rediscovering 2021-12-14 04:47 am (UTC)(link)
[ He groans, shooting Hikaru a look, but after holding it for a poignant silent moment, just deflates in a deep sigh, hanging his head. ]

It's complicated. I don't wanna talk about it. But— ...yeah, it's complicated.
rediscovering: (the shade of it all)

[personal profile] rediscovering 2021-12-15 05:00 am (UTC)(link)
[ They are foreboding, even in this moment, and the way they get under Zuko's skin is clear all over his face as his expression darkens and sours. ]

...I know that. There's an— issue... that I need to figure out first. But talking about it will just... make it worse. I can't explain. I'm sorry.

[ He glances aside, his thoughts clearly storming inside, but lets out another, softer sigh. ]

But I know you're right.
rediscovering: (ruminative silence)

[personal profile] rediscovering 2021-12-15 11:56 pm (UTC)(link)
[ His face softens, looking at Hikaru with some indiscernible emotion; moved by his loyalty, respect for Zuko's privacy, encouragement for his happiness... and a vague longing like he wishes he could talk about whatever this mystery is, but is clearly biting his tongue as he decides against it again. He sighs once more and collapses backwards into the couch, splaying his arms out over the back as he looks up at the ceiling. ]

Once, just once— I want something in my life to be simple. Straightforward.

[ Drama queen... He knows full well he does it to himself, is the worst part. ]
rediscovering: (god help the outcasts)

[personal profile] rediscovering 2021-12-31 03:39 pm (UTC)(link)
...You're right. It's— been hard to see clearly. That's all I'll say. But—

[ He pauses, brow knotting, keeping his eyes fixed on the ceiling, though his tone of voice thickens, a certain melancholy laced through it. ]

...I know doing the right thing is usually hard.

[ So annoying how cryptic he's being! ]

...And I know I like Aurora. She's a good person. She'd be good for me. I just— hope I'd be good for her, too.

[ At least that much is clear but what's he on about? Always the gravity... ]

lol keeping it up

[personal profile] rediscovering - 2022-01-01 23:31 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] rediscovering - 2022-01-02 16:54 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] rediscovering - 2022-01-02 18:33 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] rediscovering - 2022-01-02 18:52 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] rediscovering - 2022-01-02 19:22 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

[personal profile] rediscovering - 2022-01-08 17:53 (UTC) - Expand