[completely at a loss against the small tirade of words, he tries to still Yoshiha with one hand and Hikaru with the other as his twin paces, all the while trying to take it all in]
Whoa whoa okay, Hikaru, calm down...
[trying to tow his twin over to the sofa. If Hikaru will sit, Kicchi will come help him out, laying her head in Hikaru's lap]
Tell me again - slower this time. There were clothes... under his clothes?
[Hikaru does sit because it's Kaoru. He puts his hand on Kicchi's head as he tries again.]
We were walking back from shopping and this music starts playing. It was definitely something Western? And then people start dancing to it? Tono was definitely there. I saw Tono. And then Taichi's dancing with them and I thought it was a meme? Or maybe a challenge. I still get the two confused but then the song ends and he's down on his knees, offering me a pansy and asking me out? [Talking it out only makes it sound more bizarre and he groans.] I panicked. I don't know why I did but I told him I didn't know and I'd tell him tomorrow and this isn't even like me. Why do I keep messing up? I already told him I didn't know that I actually liked him when I do and then this. [He has never been so frustrated at himself before. At least with Haruhi and the thunderstorm fiasco, it had all been over quickly. This was a month of this crap with Taichi.]
[no, never mind, Hikaru has already given him far more pertinent information to be followed up on]
Never mind, never mind. He gave you a pansy and asked you out. He gave you a pansy.
[Hikaru Hitachiin.
Kaoru had thought he'd educated Taichi about standards but--- okay. Okay. Breathe, Kaoru.
And maybe shoot off a quick message by feel because apparently Taichi has forgotten that there is someone watching his ass]
All right, all right, so. Leaving out the fact that he backed you into a public confession - all of this happenend and you were like, "uh, call you later?"
I really don't think it's the wrong move to wanna get distance in a situation like that - what was he expecting, putting you on the spot like that?
[The pansy is the least of his concerns which is saying a lot. He'll look back and talk to Taichi about that later. Right now it feels like his world is falling apart.]
He wasn't trying to force me into anything! [Hikaru feels defensive over Taichi and maybe to anybody else it would look like Taichi had put Hikaru into a really uncomfortable position.
And maybe he did...
But Hikaru thinks he knows Taichi well enough by now.]
Taichi goes overboard. He's like Tono except Taichi's...hes Taichi. [And Hikaru really likes him. He frowns.] I had thought that maybe Taichi didn't like me anymore but I guess I was wrong. But I can tell he put a lot of work into this and he's the go big or go home type. Like Kaoru, remember back during that rain in Lunatia? He ran over dressed all in that plastic stuff just because I offered to hold his hand. He's impulsive and an idiot and he didn't think and he's...so stupidly earnest and...[Hikaru really likes him.]
[he never said Taichi tried to force Hikaru into anything. He just thought it loudly. Puffing out a frustrated breath, blowing his fringe out of his own face as he listens. What a mess.]
Hikaru...
[Hikaru.
There cannot be two stupid people in a relationship. If this goes ahead, Kaoru won't even need to get a job.
Kicchi shifts a little bit under Hikaru's hand - play-gnaws at his sleeve with precisely no ferocity whatsoever]
So you do definitely like him? Conclusively, now, like, it's not just the aliens?
[Yoshiha is usually a terror but even at this point, she's at Hikaru's feet and peering up at him. When even she's behaving then you know it's bad.
Hikaru nods.] I figured out it wasn't the aliens after I said maybe it was and he was so hurt but he tried to hide it and I wish I had never said that. But I wasn't supposed to confess in the first place but then I did and then we almost kissed and we ended up here...
[It's been a lot. It's taken a lot of diagrams to sort this out.]
Not that it matters. He's not going to like me anymore after I just humiliated him in front of everybody. [His head falls back and he loudly groans.] Why did I do that?!
Okay, so definitely not aliens. I mean... that's... good?
[it's still Taichi. And Kaoru is trying so hard to give him a chance, and to not be that disapproving family member - he just also has a massive bias in play in the shape of this being his twin.]
But I dunno, I think that's k-i-n-d of on him? Making a big public event out of it basically pressures you for an answer. Not that I don't think it was a pressure for him, too, to organise it all, but if he doesn't get that you'd need to step back and make sure you're giving the right answer, instead of the wrong one under pressure, that's his problem.
[settling side-face on the couch, one arm leaning against it]
It was his choice to make this a whole loaded thing, not yours.
[If it were Kaoru about to date someone then they both know Hikaru wouldn't like them at all and it would be a challenge for Hikaru to even give them a fair chance. This is how it is for them. Nobody may ever be good enough for their twin. Hikaru knows that Kaoru doesn't fully like his choice but Kaoru has not told him no or that he doesn't like Taichi so Hikaru knows this is as good as it gets.
But Kaoru isn't wrong and especially because when it comes to the twins, they're more private than people assume. What they show is what they choose to show and for Hikaru, while he likes Taichi, this much was too much. It isn't shame that made him not want anybody to see how he felt. Maybe their worlds had expanded but it was terrifying to really open up to anybody that wasn't a select few. Taichi had become that for Hikaru but the public was not invited. Privately the answer would have been yes. Absolutely yes but being put on the spot? Well, they were lucky his response had been flight instead of fight. For once.]
I still didn't want to do this to him. Especially after everything else. I feel like crap. [Is this a conscience? Somebody take it back. He doesn't want it.]
[Hikaru can be petty - heck, Kaoru can be, too. But he knows full well that that is not the case, here - he would never have answered just to be contrary, just because]
If you were to say no, you wouldn't be doing anything to him, either. You just said, what, that you'd let him know? Maybe it's a wait, but if nothing else he should at least let you have the time to be sure. And I dunno, maybe he just got too excited with all his planning and didn't realise he was never giving you the space to figure out an answer? I hope he at least realises it in hindsight?
[Hikaru gently moves Kicchi off of him so he can go cling to Kaoru. Some things will never change and Hikaru doubts he'll ever stop wanting this. Arms wrapped around Kaoru's waist, he hides his face in his side as he's laid out on most of the couch now.]
I told him I wanted time to think when we first got here a month ago. [And to be fair, a month isn't a very long time at all even though Hikaru had quickly figured everything out. Taichi is like an excitable dog and really, if it had been Hikaru then he would have been demanding immediate satisfaction.
It's a good thing it was Taichi who had to wait honestly.] But then everything kind of went back to normal? [Other than Hikaru talking to him every night, Hikaru obviously flirting with him every chance he got without realizing it at all and kind of leading him on. But Hikaru isn't all that socially cognizant so that flew over his head.] Even if I don't like him or even if my answer was no, I still feel bad. [And he doesn't like it and seriously, empathy is the worst?]
[Kicchi won't be shaken off for long - she immediately settles herself and her tails over Hikaru's legs like a blanket.]
But wouldn't it be worse if you answered in a rush, and then got a few weeks in and realised you weren't sure?
[Of course, that's not to say that every relationship works out if gone into with the proper forethought - but it would surely have better chances?
Gently stroking through Hikaru's hair as he buries his face.]
Just because you've been thinking about it for a while doesn't mean you had to answer him right away.
[if anything because Hikaru had asked for time to think before, Taichi should have let the conversation happen on his brother's terms - but there's no point bringing that up if there's no changing it.]
I know it doesn't change anything you're feeling now. But I think you did the right thing. There's nothing wrong in you asking for time again.
[Hikaru, for once, had tried his hardest not to rush into anything. His friendship with Taichi had meant a lot, still did, and Hikaru didn't want it potentially ruined because they broke up after trying to date.
But he's known the answer for a little while now.]
I know my answer's yes, though. I knew it even before he did the weird dance thing. [He groans.] First the party and then this. He keeps doing these big things for me even if you're partly to blame for the first. I still can't believe you were helping him do all that while I was there, freaking out about my feelings. I knew you were up to something but I had no idea it was with Taichi!
I'm only happy to be blamed for it being successful. [pouting into Hikaru's hair] As if I would ever have let you find out if I'd been involved a flop. But then look what happens when I'm not involved...
[...maybe he should meddle. Just to make sure Hikaru has the best.]
[Honestly, all things considered, it made Hikaru happy to know Taichi had asked Kaoru and that Kaoru had helped. At the very least, Taichi had to have said the right thing to make Kaoru be able to help him as much as he had. Even if it was only for Hikaru's sake.
But that was still nice.]
Tomorrow. Maybe it is rushing it but I'm tired of worrying about it and it's hurting Taichi. I'll think about everything and just...do it. [Ugh, this is a lot. He's worried he might get rejected after today but well, that's how it goes and Hikaru can't keep waiting around to be ready. It's annoying.
Hikaru lifts his head up and smiles at Kaoru.] Feels kind of weird, though. Asking to be apart of someone else's world...
[Hikaru's certain this whole thing has happened because Taichi didn't think but neither did Hikaru when he first confessed. But now all he can do is think and think and think. What a pain. It's one thing to be plotting but another to be thinking so much about romance.
But all he can think about is Kaoru when he holds onto him like that and he gawks.] Proposal?! We're not even dating! I can't even think about that. Geesh, Kaoru. You always just...[Overthink. He let's Kaoru hold onto him and then Hikaru pulls away so he can gather Kaoru into his arms, resting his chin on his head.] He would have to ask you for your approval anyway, right? I wouldn't marry anybody if they didn't ask you about it and nobody can marry you if they don't ask me.
[Which probably sounds odd and maybe it is but Hikaru and Kaoru together are nothing but odd. Nobody else has to understand that or them.]
I don't even know why this came to him. You should have heard the song. You should have seen the dance. [Now that he's gotten some space from it, he's kind of laughing about how absurd it is. Cheesy and not anything Hikaru is into but at the same time...] It probably took him a while to get it all together. Better than those stupid confession letters we used to get, I guess.
[Maybe now that Hikaru thinks about it a little more, maybe he is just a little happy Taichi did it. Not the public display, not the flash mob, not any of that...but just the effort he put into Hikaru. Into his feelings for Hikaru. That was a little special.]
I still just can't believe you planned a surprise party for me without letting me know or you trained him in making those gloves for me while I was freaking out about having a crush on him.
Well now you've seen how far he can go out of left field if he doesn't have anyone to keep him on the straight and narrow. And if he'd screwed up clothes for you, that would have been just tragic...
[...but he's deflecting. More than a little bit.]
...maybe I should have just let him loose on the sewing machine.
[There's a snicker.] The straight and narrow. [There was nothing straight about this. But moving along...!]
You're so mean. [But he's not really chastising him and in the end, he knows what Kaoru's real interest was in playing guide to Taichi was. Yes, he had wanted something good enough for his brother but even Hikaru knew it was more than that.
He nuzzles the top of Kaoru's head.] Maybe next he'll try to make you something to win over your approval.
tmw you think a thread has been quiet, but it's because your own tag never went through ;A;
[though he freezes up under Hikaru a bit, with the creeping horror of such a proposition]
It's not gonna come to that, is it? You really think it could? Not only do I have to watch out for him flash-mobbing you again, but I have to make sure he doesn't do it to me, either?
[if anything that gives him the right to be mean...!]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[completely at a loss against the small tirade of words, he tries to still Yoshiha with one hand and Hikaru with the other as his twin paces, all the while trying to take it all in]
Whoa whoa okay, Hikaru, calm down...
[trying to tow his twin over to the sofa. If Hikaru will sit, Kicchi will come help him out, laying her head in Hikaru's lap]
Tell me again - slower this time. There were clothes... under his clothes?
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We were walking back from shopping and this music starts playing. It was definitely something Western? And then people start dancing to it? Tono was definitely there. I saw Tono. And then Taichi's dancing with them and I thought it was a meme? Or maybe a challenge. I still get the two confused but then the song ends and he's down on his knees, offering me a pansy and asking me out? [Talking it out only makes it sound more bizarre and he groans.] I panicked. I don't know why I did but I told him I didn't know and I'd tell him tomorrow and this isn't even like me. Why do I keep messing up? I already told him I didn't know that I actually liked him when I do and then this. [He has never been so frustrated at himself before. At least with Haruhi and the thunderstorm fiasco, it had all been over quickly. This was a month of this crap with Taichi.]
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[no, never mind, Hikaru has already given him far more pertinent information to be followed up on]
Never mind, never mind. He gave you a pansy and asked you out. He gave you a pansy.
[Hikaru Hitachiin.
Kaoru had thought he'd educated Taichi about standards but--- okay. Okay. Breathe, Kaoru.
And maybe shoot off a quick message by feel because apparently Taichi has forgotten that there is someone watching his ass]
All right, all right, so. Leaving out the fact that he backed you into a public confession - all of this happenend and you were like, "uh, call you later?"
I really don't think it's the wrong move to wanna get distance in a situation like that - what was he expecting, putting you on the spot like that?
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He wasn't trying to force me into anything! [Hikaru feels defensive over Taichi and maybe to anybody else it would look like Taichi had put Hikaru into a really uncomfortable position.
And maybe he did...
But Hikaru thinks he knows Taichi well enough by now.]
Taichi goes overboard. He's like Tono except Taichi's...hes Taichi. [And Hikaru really likes him. He frowns.] I had thought that maybe Taichi didn't like me anymore but I guess I was wrong. But I can tell he put a lot of work into this and he's the go big or go home type. Like Kaoru, remember back during that rain in Lunatia? He ran over dressed all in that plastic stuff just because I offered to hold his hand. He's impulsive and an idiot and he didn't think and he's...so stupidly earnest and...[Hikaru really likes him.]
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[he never said Taichi tried to force Hikaru into anything. He just thought it loudly. Puffing out a frustrated breath, blowing his fringe out of his own face as he listens. What a mess.]
Hikaru...
[Hikaru.
There cannot be two stupid people in a relationship. If this goes ahead, Kaoru won't even need to get a job.
Kicchi shifts a little bit under Hikaru's hand - play-gnaws at his sleeve with precisely no ferocity whatsoever]
So you do definitely like him? Conclusively, now, like, it's not just the aliens?
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Hikaru nods.] I figured out it wasn't the aliens after I said maybe it was and he was so hurt but he tried to hide it and I wish I had never said that. But I wasn't supposed to confess in the first place but then I did and then we almost kissed and we ended up here...
[It's been a lot. It's taken a lot of diagrams to sort this out.]
Not that it matters. He's not going to like me anymore after I just humiliated him in front of everybody. [His head falls back and he loudly groans.] Why did I do that?!
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who is this new fox]Okay, so definitely not aliens. I mean... that's... good?
[it's still Taichi. And Kaoru is trying so hard to give him a chance, and to not be that disapproving family member - he just also has a massive bias in play in the shape of this being his twin.]
But I dunno, I think that's k-i-n-d of on him? Making a big public event out of it basically pressures you for an answer. Not that I don't think it was a pressure for him, too, to organise it all, but if he doesn't get that you'd need to step back and make sure you're giving the right answer, instead of the wrong one under pressure, that's his problem.
[settling side-face on the couch, one arm leaning against it]
It was his choice to make this a whole loaded thing, not yours.
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But Kaoru isn't wrong and especially because when it comes to the twins, they're more private than people assume. What they show is what they choose to show and for Hikaru, while he likes Taichi, this much was too much. It isn't shame that made him not want anybody to see how he felt. Maybe their worlds had expanded but it was terrifying to really open up to anybody that wasn't a select few. Taichi had become that for Hikaru but the public was not invited. Privately the answer would have been yes. Absolutely yes but being put on the spot? Well, they were lucky his response had been flight instead of fight. For once.]
I still didn't want to do this to him. Especially after everything else. I feel like crap. [Is this a conscience? Somebody take it back. He doesn't want it.]
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[Hikaru can be petty - heck, Kaoru can be, too. But he knows full well that that is not the case, here - he would never have answered just to be contrary, just because]
If you were to say no, you wouldn't be doing anything to him, either. You just said, what, that you'd let him know? Maybe it's a wait, but if nothing else he should at least let you have the time to be sure. And I dunno, maybe he just got too excited with all his planning and didn't realise he was never giving you the space to figure out an answer? I hope he at least realises it in hindsight?
[if he doesn't, Kaoru really needs to worry.]
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I told him I wanted time to think when we first got here a month ago. [And to be fair, a month isn't a very long time at all even though Hikaru had quickly figured everything out. Taichi is like an excitable dog and really, if it had been Hikaru then he would have been demanding immediate satisfaction.
It's a good thing it was Taichi who had to wait honestly.] But then everything kind of went back to normal? [Other than Hikaru talking to him every night, Hikaru obviously flirting with him every chance he got without realizing it at all and kind of leading him on. But Hikaru isn't all that socially cognizant so that flew over his head.] Even if I don't like him or even if my answer was no, I still feel bad. [And he doesn't like it and seriously, empathy is the worst?]
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But wouldn't it be worse if you answered in a rush, and then got a few weeks in and realised you weren't sure?
[Of course, that's not to say that every relationship works out if gone into with the proper forethought - but it would surely have better chances?
Gently stroking through Hikaru's hair as he buries his face.]
Just because you've been thinking about it for a while doesn't mean you had to answer him right away.
[if anything because Hikaru had asked for time to think before, Taichi should have let the conversation happen on his brother's terms - but there's no point bringing that up if there's no changing it.]
I know it doesn't change anything you're feeling now. But I think you did the right thing. There's nothing wrong in you asking for time again.
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[Hikaru, for once, had tried his hardest not to rush into anything. His friendship with Taichi had meant a lot, still did, and Hikaru didn't want it potentially ruined because they broke up after trying to date.
But he's known the answer for a little while now.]
I know my answer's yes, though. I knew it even before he did the weird dance thing. [He groans.] First the party and then this. He keeps doing these big things for me even if you're partly to blame for the first. I still can't believe you were helping him do all that while I was there, freaking out about my feelings. I knew you were up to something but I had no idea it was with Taichi!
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[...maybe he should meddle. Just to make sure Hikaru has the best.]
So...? When're you going to tell him?
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But that was still nice.]
Tomorrow. Maybe it is rushing it but I'm tired of worrying about it and it's hurting Taichi. I'll think about everything and just...do it. [Ugh, this is a lot. He's worried he might get rejected after today but well, that's how it goes and Hikaru can't keep waiting around to be ready. It's annoying.
Hikaru lifts his head up and smiles at Kaoru.] Feels kind of weird, though. Asking to be apart of someone else's world...
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[you sure you can last out that long, Hikaru?]
I get it. I mean, I'm not sure Taichi-san gives it nearly that much thought, but I get it.
[because they have, and probably Kaoru more than most.
Suddenly he's reminded, a little uncomfortably, of watching Hikaru walking away from him with Haruhi early one November.
Pouting, he pulls Hikaru back in and buries his face in his brother's hair again]
I know we're not there yet, but if he dares to do some sort of flash-mobby cheesy proposal, Hikaru, I swear to god...
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But all he can think about is Kaoru when he holds onto him like that and he gawks.] Proposal?! We're not even dating! I can't even think about that. Geesh, Kaoru. You always just...[Overthink. He let's Kaoru hold onto him and then Hikaru pulls away so he can gather Kaoru into his arms, resting his chin on his head.] He would have to ask you for your approval anyway, right? I wouldn't marry anybody if they didn't ask you about it and nobody can marry you if they don't ask me.
[Which probably sounds odd and maybe it is but Hikaru and Kaoru together are nothing but odd. Nobody else has to understand that or them.]
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[pouting against his brother's chest, now.]
I mean, technically he did, back in Lunatia, but this is different world now so he should have at least checked...
[so does he expect Tachi to check in with him before he decides to get swept up in some marriage proposal fantasy...?
No.]
But he probably knows that if he had asked I would've nixed the mob in a heartbeat.
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[Maybe now that Hikaru thinks about it a little more, maybe he is just a little happy Taichi did it. Not the public display, not the flash mob, not any of that...but just the effort he put into Hikaru. Into his feelings for Hikaru. That was a little special.]
I still just can't believe you planned a surprise party for me without letting me know or you trained him in making those gloves for me while I was freaking out about having a crush on him.
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[...but he's deflecting. More than a little bit.]
...maybe I should have just let him loose on the sewing machine.
[No, Kaoru...]
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You're so mean. [But he's not really chastising him and in the end, he knows what Kaoru's real interest was in playing guide to Taichi was. Yes, he had wanted something good enough for his brother but even Hikaru knew it was more than that.
He nuzzles the top of Kaoru's head.] Maybe next he'll try to make you something to win over your approval.
tmw you think a thread has been quiet, but it's because your own tag never went through ;A;
Cute.
[though he freezes up under Hikaru a bit, with the creeping horror of such a proposition]
It's not gonna come to that, is it? You really think it could? Not only do I have to watch out for him flash-mobbing you again, but I have to make sure he doesn't do it to me, either?
[if anything that gives him the right to be mean...!]