[Gokudera has never really had a heart-to-heart with Hikaru. He doesn’t know how much he can tell him without making someone else upset.
He’s already pissed off Zuko and he has no idea why.]
I’m not sure what you mean by everything. It’s honestly that simple. The girl that’s interested in me is probably the best girl in all of Avalon. It’d be criminal of me to rope her into anything about me.
But if you want more detail, don’t say I didn’t warn you. I’m trying to be discreet, ok?
I know I told you about my boss, but the Tenth is a lot more than that. He’s the Tenth generation Don-to-be of my world’s strongest mafia family. I can’t get someone like her involved in something like that!
And then there’s the matter that I’m already engaged to the Tenth’s left-hand… and I haven’t seen him for over a year and I don’t even know if I’m over him.
Is that… enough? I don’t feel right. I’ve already pissed off someone very close to me. I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I hurt Aurora…
[Hikaru reads this over and he's laughing to himself. Everything about him makes so much more sense.]
you're in the mafia? everything makes so much more sense now! i thought you just murdered for the hell of it and were gay for your boss. i get it now though.
[The yakuza is not the mafia but Hikaru is rich and dealing with shady shit comes with it. You do your thing and they'll do theirs. It's fine. ]
How long were you engaged to this guy and how long has it been since you've seen him??
I’ve actually never murdered anyone, and the Tenth is a really great guy. I-I’M NOT GAY FOR MY BOSS!!! He’s got a girl he’s trying to win over back home, and I am so unworthy of his attention in that sort of way. Are you kidding?!
[Mentally keysmashing over here at the very thought that he and his boss and… wow NO. He respects the Tenth too much.]
Well… we dated off and on for a few years. I’ve been engaged to him for about a year, half of which I haven’t seen him for. I thought he would have shown up by now. Feels like every time we get together, he leaves the world I’m in, or I do… or I die and some stupid shit happens.
That I’m not over my fiancé, or… i don’t think I am, and that I think she’d be better off with someone else, and that I’m not even that interested in being with a woman. I… I’m not comfortable with the idea of being in a relationship with her as much as… someone else.
[coughZukocough]
I tried to ask Zuko if he was interested, because I know he likes women, and you can’t tell me he and Aurora wouldn’t be a good match, but he got angry at me.
do you really want my advice on how to turn her down? it doesn't sound like you really want to but are you doing it because you think you're not good enough for her or because you're trying to be good to zuko? and he didn't ask her out even though i was pushing him for ages.
Well, I care about both of them a great deal. So… all of the above, really.
I’d date them both if I could, but Zuko has never been interested in me. Probably out of respect for Takeshi (my fiancé), but I don’t know if he’s ever coming back.
I’d rather have Zuko as a friend than have him angry at me for wanting companionship. And… if I can’t be in a relationship with either of them, that’s fine. They can have each other. I just want them to be happy.
[The face Hikaru is making at this text could be described as almost offended because what the hell is this type of selfless crap??? This goes against every idea he had about Gokudera.
Which should really be a lesson for Hikaru to maybe stop judging so much but that'll never happen.
Also he does not like that Gokudera is into Zuko because he's pretty positive that Zuko is into Gokudera too and, well, Hikaru is not a fan of this pairing. Maybe Gokudera is not as much of an asshole as one would think but he's got all these problems and so does Zuko but does adding problems onto problems help anybody?
But Zuko's miserable and so is Gokudera and he's certain Aurora is (and she is and he will find out when Aurora calls him) so somebody has to do something.]
so you like zuko and aurora? both of them? and you're going to just step out of the way because your fiance might come back or might not come back?
and then what? be miserable? how do you think that'd make zuko feel? he's mad right now but zuko's always mad at first before he calms down. you really think people like zuko and aurora would be happy together knowing you're not?
[Gokudera doesn’t know anything about Hikaru’s dislike for him. He just knows Hikaru is a good friend of Zuko’s, and trusts his advice.]
I do. I’m going to step back because I don’t think I can make the right decision for anyone’s benefit. It’s… a lot.
I care too much about them to pursue anyone at the moment.
Is it so bad that I value their friendship above any romantic urges I have?
Besides, while Zuko may care about me, I don’t think it’s in a romantic sense. He knows I was engaged to a man, and that I’ve been lonely. That won’t change if he’s happy with Aurora. I’ll still be a good friend to them.
it isn't bad to try to take a moment to figure things out. but then you take too long and you could mess everything up because while you're thinking you're doing the right thing and helping them? you're not. [He did it to Taichi, so worried about protecting their friendship that he couldn't see he wasn't being fair to Taichi by not acknowledging how they felt about each other.]
but is it really their benefit or just yours? that's all i'm saying. because if aurora did ask you out and what i know? that took a lot of bravery for her to do.
as for zuko?? you know you just have to talk to him because this guy won't figure anything else out.
I understand that waiting on this could hurt all of us involved. Ultimately, no one on this world is guaranteed another day. I don’t plan on taking too long. Just a day or so, probably.
I guess it’s just all hitting at the same time? I’m worried I’ll just mess it all up for both of them.
[Which is cowardly. He knows it is.]
She did. I told her I need time, and she’s respecting that. Aurora is really too good for either of us!
But she doesn’t seem bothered by the idea of us three being together.
Isn’t he straight? Wouldn’t me just bringing up my feelings for him to him fuck things up?
[Not that he won’t do it, but he’s very very apprehensive about doing so.]
you'll mess it up if you keep them waiting. i know you know but zuko waited so long and look at what all that resulted in.
[Kind of an unfair comment about Zuko but Hikaru's never been good at being delicate with his words and honestly, he's at his limit.]
aurora-chan is really nice. not what you would expect from a girl in the woods but don't put her up on some pedestal like she's better than you two. that's too much pressure for one person and she's already going through it. she's interested in both of you so just keep it at that
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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He’s already pissed off Zuko and he has no idea why.]
I’m not sure what you mean by everything. It’s honestly that simple. The girl that’s interested in me is probably the best girl in all of Avalon. It’d be criminal of me to rope her into anything about me.
But if you want more detail, don’t say I didn’t warn you. I’m trying to be discreet, ok?
I know I told you about my boss, but the Tenth is a lot more than that. He’s the Tenth generation Don-to-be of my world’s strongest mafia family. I can’t get someone like her involved in something like that!
And then there’s the matter that I’m already engaged to the Tenth’s left-hand… and I haven’t seen him for over a year and I don’t even know if I’m over him.
Is that… enough? I don’t feel right. I’ve already pissed off someone very close to me. I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I hurt Aurora…
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you're in the mafia? everything makes so much more sense now! i thought you just murdered for the hell of it and were gay for your boss. i get it now though.
[The yakuza is not the mafia but Hikaru is rich and dealing with shady shit comes with it. You do your thing and they'll do theirs. It's fine. ]
How long were you engaged to this guy and how long has it been since you've seen him??
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[Mentally keysmashing over here at the very thought that he and his boss and… wow NO. He respects the Tenth too much.]
Well… we dated off and on for a few years. I’ve been engaged to him for about a year, half of which I haven’t seen him for. I thought he would have shown up by now. Feels like every time we get together, he leaves the world I’m in, or I do… or I die and some stupid shit happens.
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[Now the problem lies in the rest of this crap because Hikaru would prefer Gokudera not to have anything to do with Aurora but she asked him out?
It's still a bro code thing not to date the girl your friend is clearly interested in. Hikaru thinks that much.]
so the only thing keeping you from dating this girl is that? only that?
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That I’m not over my fiancé, or… i don’t think I am, and that I think she’d be better off with someone else, and that I’m not even that interested in being with a woman. I… I’m not comfortable with the idea of being in a relationship with her as much as… someone else.
[coughZukocough]
I tried to ask Zuko if he was interested, because I know he likes women, and you can’t tell me he and Aurora wouldn’t be a good match, but he got angry at me.
I’ve fucked everything up.
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you didn't know???
[It's been all he and Zuko talked about.]
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[Hikaru is beginning to have a sinking realization about some things.]
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[HE DOESNT LIKE THIS.]
do you really want my advice on how to turn her down? it doesn't sound like you really want to but are you doing it because you think you're not good enough for her or because you're trying to be good to zuko? and he didn't ask her out even though i was pushing him for ages.
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[Hey neither does Gokudera.]
Well, I care about both of them a great deal. So… all of the above, really.
I’d date them both if I could, but Zuko has never been interested in me. Probably out of respect for Takeshi (my fiancé), but I don’t know if he’s ever coming back.
I’d rather have Zuko as a friend than have him angry at me for wanting companionship. And… if I can’t be in a relationship with either of them, that’s fine. They can have each other. I just want them to be happy.
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Which should really be a lesson for Hikaru to maybe stop judging so much but that'll never happen.
Also he does not like that Gokudera is into Zuko because he's pretty positive that Zuko is into Gokudera too and, well, Hikaru is not a fan of this pairing. Maybe Gokudera is not as much of an asshole as one would think but he's got all these problems and so does Zuko but does adding problems onto problems help anybody?
But Zuko's miserable and so is Gokudera and he's certain Aurora is (and she is and he will find out when Aurora calls him) so somebody has to do something.]
so you like zuko and aurora? both of them? and you're going to just step out of the way because your fiance might come back or might not come back?
and then what? be miserable? how do you think that'd make zuko feel? he's mad right now but zuko's always mad at first before he calms down. you really think people like zuko and aurora would be happy together knowing you're not?
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I do. I’m going to step back because I don’t think I can make the right decision for anyone’s benefit. It’s… a lot.
I care too much about them to pursue anyone at the moment.
Is it so bad that I value their friendship above any romantic urges I have?
Besides, while Zuko may care about me, I don’t think it’s in a romantic sense. He knows I was engaged to a man, and that I’ve been lonely. That won’t change if he’s happy with Aurora. I’ll still be a good friend to them.
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but is it really their benefit or just yours? that's all i'm saying. because if aurora did ask you out and what i know? that took a lot of bravery for her to do.
as for zuko?? you know you just have to talk to him because this guy won't figure anything else out.
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I guess it’s just all hitting at the same time? I’m worried I’ll just mess it all up for both of them.
[Which is cowardly. He knows it is.]
She did. I told her I need time, and she’s respecting that. Aurora is really too good for either of us!
But she doesn’t seem bothered by the idea of us three being together.
Isn’t he straight? Wouldn’t me just bringing up my feelings for him to him fuck things up?
[Not that he won’t do it, but he’s very very apprehensive about doing so.]
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[Kind of an unfair comment about Zuko but Hikaru's never been good at being delicate with his words and honestly, he's at his limit.]
aurora-chan is really nice. not what you would expect from a girl in the woods but don't put her up on some pedestal like she's better than you two. that's too much pressure for one person and she's already going through it. she's interested in both of you so just keep it at that
you can go to zuko about how straight he is
[Which is not at all.]
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Alright, I’ll talk to Zuko, then.
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[Wish him luck. Or not. Gokudera isn’t sure how to go about bringing something like sexuality up with his friend.]
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yeah whatever